pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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