Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
