Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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