theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
