i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
