That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?