that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.