Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.