Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
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I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.