dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
