remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
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Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
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The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"