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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Becoming a productive member of society?

  (509): View more from Washington

  Sam. Come on.

  Fav 38 7098 1187

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• (772): View more from Florida

  bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.

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• (479): View more from Arkansas

  When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie

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• (270): View more from Kentucky

  I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.

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