so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.