I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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