I can't watch pbs sober anymore
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock