I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.