hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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