I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
