i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
