Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
