I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
