I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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