But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize