his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
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I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
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Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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