I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
