Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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