did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
