If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I've blown a few things in my day
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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