Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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