Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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