Pants 0. Shit 1.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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