I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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