I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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