Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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