this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
