Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
