I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
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Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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