I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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