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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
