If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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