Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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