I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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