Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
