Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
