i need an iv and a liver transplant
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
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I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
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siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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