I will die if light touches me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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