this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
