dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
