Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
