Michael Bay diarrhea
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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