jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
