a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
