Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
