Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
