grandma shit on top of the toilet
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize