oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
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All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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