6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
