evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
