I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize