Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
