do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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