I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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