is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
