His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
