Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
