last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
