My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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