i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
