I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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