I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
