When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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