How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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