We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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