I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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