that's an acceptable place to lick
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
