its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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