no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
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I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
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She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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