remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
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