This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
