There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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