everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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