He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
