Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
