i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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